Ode to death (A poem)

Ode to death (A poem)

Ode to Death

He didn’t steal up on me
Or come like a thief in the night like most claim
He knocked so softly on my door
It was like music to my ears
And I roused from where I’d refused to get up from for days,
To welcome him

We smiled at each other, like old friends
He sat and asked me ‘How’s it going?’
‘Oh, could be better. I’m glad you’re here.’
‘Are you ready?’ He said

He took my hand and we left
It didn’t feel like a heavy blanket like they said
It felt like a light blanket,
The kind you snuggle under when it’s cold
Giving the kind of warmth you never want to let go of

We came to the end of the dark
Here I could see the light
It was bright and warm and welcoming
Nothing like the constant pain I’d just left behind

It seemed to beacon to me
While his grip grew tighter
Finally I could slowly feel the tension seep out of my muscles
Finally, peace.

But when we took a step further, I went back
The further I went, it seemed like my steps retraced
Suddenly I was falling,
Down, down and down I went
Till I couldn’t see him, or the light
‘Please take me! Please!’ I cried
‘I don’t want to go back!’

I woke to the sound of beeping monitors
And the fading smell of death
I was back;
My mom sobbed quietly by my bed
Asking God to bring me back
I closed my eyes and asked Him,
Why He listened to her instead of me?
I thought it was my life? Didn’t I deserve a say?

That was my first suicide attempt
It wasn’t my last.


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May 2021