5 things Nigerian hairdressers need to STOP doing

5 things Nigerian hairdressers need to STOP doing

Nigerian hairdressers are a special breed of people! One minute, you love them because you can see how their hands have changed your life and maybe your crush will now give you eye. But sometimes, you will wish you carried a gun with you because wth?

Disclaimer: You will not agree with everything you’re about to read, and that is perfectly okay.

Here are 5 things Nigerian hairdressers need to stop doing

  • Pretending to understand when you explain a hairstyle to them – So you mean all my Shakespeare storytelling skills were in vain? Why did you nau lie?
    And that is how you will be added to the case study of “what I ordered vs what I got” See you in court.
  • Telling you to stop looking in the mirror – You are an armed robber dear. Because small mistake is what used to turn “shuku” to “patewo”
    Besides, have you not heard that if you don’t look in the mirror, spiritual hands can be plaiting your hair? No, they told me that’s why I’m telling you. 
I speak nothing but the truth.
  • Doing amebo on top your head – And that is how they will substitute hair cream for spit on top your hair. Ew 🤮 
    The worst part is when they now stop doing your hair so they can gist the gist well.
    Wow, I must have nothing else to do but sit here and listen to how “Titi too dey f*ck for free and you no like am.”
(Processing regret.)
  • Begging you to let them eat before they continue your hair – While you slowly nod your head and agree because they’ve already started your hair and you have nowhere else to go. 
    Then you steal glances from the corner of your eye and eat with your nose but you can’t buy food because Mama Sikira’s rice confined you to the toilet for an unknown number of hours last time.
  • Trying to collect more than the agreed amount because they know you like the hair – I hope you know that this is how Anini started? You are just a thief and you have no one to tell you. 
    But then you actually add a tip because wow you do look good!
Yass girl!
  • But WHEN THE HAIR GOES WRONG – And thé hairdresser knows she has fucked up so she gives everyone in the salon signal to start telling you that the hair is fine. You’re smiling but this is you when you get home.
(Hidden pain and anguish)

And when you get home… Nobody believes you actually sat down for 6 hours while somebody did absolute rubbish on your head.

(Incredible disbelief)

Now look at the mirror and see what a mumu looks like.

Which one do you hate the most? Did I miss anyone? Tell me in the comments!  

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July 2020